NCSPP

Northern California Society for Psychoanalytic Psychology

CANDIDATE'S BLOG

The term "blog" refers to a web-based journal wherein individuals offer up their personal experiences to anyone with a web browser. The editors IMPULSE seek out local analytic candidates willing to "blog" their experience in training. Our second volunteer is finishing a residency in psychiatry and is a first year candidate at a psychoanalytic training institute. Following are some anonymous reflections on the experience of attending his/her first American Psychoanalytic Association meeting.

The faraway landscape peeled further and further away, lifting up. I sat looking out the window of the airplane. Up and away, the cold harshness and wintry snow blanket on the ground dissolved into the hum and click of a machine that was now taking me home.

"Home. I miss home," I thought. The plane droned on.

My first psychoanalytic meeting! I thought about the people I met, the new friends, and the new ideas I discovered. "Hi. My name is.. I am a first-year candidate from the...Institute. It's nice to meet you." Every time I said that, the years would flash in my mind that it took to get where I was. Every time it was like another little victory. I would say it proudly.

My thoughts drifted. I thought of the various discussion groups.

"When the work is done, termination proceeds. Certainly, there is physicianly compassion." A particularly regal, older analyst and a significantly younger one argued point and counterpoint on termination and post-termination contact. "Physicianly?" The younger Ph.D. analyst interjected. "Well, yes, physicianly. Regardless, the values are the same." The older analyst blushed slightly.

I was in awe. It was not because of what was being said though, or one argument or another, but rather because it was clear that they both passionately and deeply cared about their patients. In that moment, I couldn't help thinking of my own analyst.

I also wondered about beginnings. I thought to myself, "everything that has a beginning must have an end." I paused. But not today. Not now.

Then, I found myself stepping off of the airplane. I thought forward to the next meeting of the American Psychoanalytic Association. I was finally home.